Is it a family trip or a vacation?

A family trip is not a vacation. 

As summer moves into full swing, it may help to be very clear about this matter.   There is an enormous distinction to be made between the two:

• A vacation is a time to relax, rejuvenate and restore. 

• A trip is a chance to explore a new land: to immerse in a new culture,  

  region, or language; to learn something by becoming exposed to a world outside  

  of your own.

One might even say that trips and vacations are mutually exclusive.

Generally speaking, a ‘vacation’ is hard to achieve on a journey with touring, learning and many sights to see.

Add more than one generation into the mix, and even the closest of families will find it difficult to achieve vacation status — even at the beach. 

Now this probably doesn’t apply to everyone.  I know my rabbi seems to be able to go full tilt from 5:00 a.m. to 11:00 p.m. without rest.  But she has a special relationship upstairs, and that is a bit too much for us mere mortals.

I write this to you from an early morning respite following a whirlwind summer tour with my family, members of my congregation, and more than a dozen others I didn’t know well before June.

So I speak from experience. After nearly two weeks, I know 22 other people better than I ever expected, and I could really use a vacation!

Truth is, after weeks of preparation -- end of the school year chaos, shopping, packing and re-packing – I needed that vacation by the time I drove out of my driveway, before the trip ever began.

What have I learned from all of this?  That successful “holidays,” (as the rest  

of the world calls them), are enhanced by two things:

• setting your expectations before you ever leave home - possibly even before you begin planning; and

• taking the time, during or after, to decompress. 

Most often, we create the passion plays of our lives.  Our perspective, attitude or approach has a significant impact on the outcome of any given situation.

Decide something’s going to be difficult, and you’ve increased the chances of finding yourself frustrated and upset.  Decide to roll with the waves and take things as they come, and you’re half way to Easy Street. 

So determining in advance whether you see your 5 days in the Magic Kingdom as a vacation or a family trip will make a difference in your experience.

It all depends on your point of view.

My daughter was Bat Mitzvah on Mt. Masada in Israel -— a major milestone! I knew we were up for an intense family trip.  I started preparing for our magical, once-in-a-lifetime experience months ago. Though the logistics of the travel were arranged for us, there were many details to handle. 

It occurs to me, now, that I did not do a great job in helping the rest of my family get their mind set for the experience.  They were involved in the preparations, of course – purging their rooms of clothes too small, choosing clothes and books, packing, etc.  But I never set expectations for them about how busy we would be, what it would be like to be following the schedule of a group, how important it would be to be timely and consider others, etc.

Not having prepared them, we ended up barking a lot, instead.  “Hurry up.”  “We don’t want to keep them waiting.” “I know you’re tired and hungry but we’ve got to go, the bus is ready to leave!”

So next time, we’ll take the time to talk about what to expect on our holiday. 

And I’LL be clear to myself that I am preparing for a trip, not a vacation. 

Which brings me to my second suggestion:  time to decompress.  Whenever possible, I return early enough from a trip to have some time to re-group before diving back into our busy lives.  In the future, I plan to ramp that up a notch. 

I’m going to try to take a weekend off soon after returning to reflect on the experience, and take care of myself.  It doesn’t have to be a weekend at Canyon 

Ranch – it just has to be time for peace and quiet.  I think, also, that trips and vacations need to be alternated.

Getting your head around these ideas can make all the difference between success and “catastrophic” misery on the road.

What happens if you don’t heed this sound advice?  Well, look at it this way: 

Chevy Chase tried to blend a family trip in with a vacation, and look what happened to them!

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This blog also appears as part of my regular column on ShareWiK.com.