Saying "good-bye" to your Gremlins (aka "life's saboteurs")

I had a major encounter with one of my “Gremlins,” today.

No, I’m not talking about a furry little creature who screams “bright light” and should never eat past midnight.

In the coaching world, Gremlins, also known as saboteurs for the more sophisticated set, feature prominently.  Gremlins are behind the messages we tell ourselves that start with words like, “should have,” “need to,” “why didn’t you” and “what were you thinking?” 

I can sense the light bulbs going on—now you know what I’m talking about!

We all have Gremlin voices in our head (not to be confused with actual voices in our head), sometimes more than one. 

There are different schools of thought about the intentions of the Gremlin.  Some believe that the Gremlin is basically well-intentioned and only wants to keep us safe, like an over-protective mother who hovers and exercises extreme caution.  Others believe the Gremlin is more like the devil on the shoulder, dead set on misguiding us at every turn.

Regardless of intent, the goal of the Gremlin is the same:  maintain the status quo at all costs.  The Gremlin’s motto:  don’t make a move; don’t change.

The bad news about Gremlins is that the closer you move your life toward fulfillment, the louder they get (of course, it’s also a positive sign when they start getting louder).  The good news is that there are effective ways to outfox that sly saboteur, especially when you recognize its voice.

I have never met a person who doesn’t have a distinct relationship with his or her Gremlin.  They show up differently for each of us—sometimes big and bold, sometimes mild and meek.  Whatever their appearance, there are a few key ways to keep them from interfering (too much) with your life:

1. Get to know your Gremlin (s).  Write about her, name her, whatever it takes to become familiar with her.  For example, my primary gremlin’s name is “Prudence” and she is a “cold, calculating witch masquerading as a warm, supportive Jewish mother.”  Get the picture?  Get specific.  What are some of the expressions often used?  What are the phrases that belong to no other?
   
   Ignore him.  Sounds simple, I know, but acknowledging that there is a Gremlin in a situation, and then going about your business, can be very empowering.  It’s sorta like taking the high road and walking away from a bully on the playground:  you may be quaking in your boots, but you are looking cool on the outside, and you are glad for it, later.
2. Give your Gremlin something to do.  Send her on a trip (put her on a plane to Hawaii) or give her a job (re-arranging the sock drawer).  Get him to leave you alone long enough to get something done.  Yeah, sure, you know she’ll come back, but sometimes all you need is a little time to regain your equilibrium.
3. Shed light on him.  A big, bold spotlight.  Expose him for what he really is at the very moment that he are trying to re-direct you.  Catch her with their veritable hand in the cookie jar!  A saboteur voice will slink away in embarrassment, if only for a little while.  Sometimes, when the halogen is bright enough, you can send her away for good.
4. Make a deal with her (much like negotiating with a teenager, it may not seem like a reasonable negotiation, but it’s what you’ve got to work with). Similar to child psychology, you can get the results you want by anticipating and arguing for the opposite.  You can outsmart a Gremlin—it is never as smart as you are.
5. Laugh at your Gremlins and their stories… a lot.  I mean, when you remove yourself just a little bit it’s amazing how ridiculous they can sound.  Find the humor in the suggestions.  I mean, really, why SHOULD you be “making an appearance” when you don’t really like the host, anyway?  Does that actually make any sense when you say it out loud?

Gremlin management comes up a lot when we deal with mistakes and failures in our lives.  We know, intellectually, that failures are necessary to learn and move forward.  We all make mistakes.  And yet, our gremlins are quick to make us bad, to blame, find fault, and try to make us feel awful about ourselves.  The trick is in the response to them.

At the end of the day, as Eleanor Roosevelt once said, no one “can make you feel inferior without your consent.”  Well, that applies to our saboteur voices, as well.  Are you going to listen them blindly?  Or, are you going to start calling them out.

To take care of yourself, try some of the strategies listed here, and stand up to those bully voices that try to make you feel bad for taking risks and creating change in your life.  Because the truth is:  this is your life, you only have one shot at it, and its too short to spend it waiting for permission to change because that permission is never going to come from anyone but yourself. 

For more about gremlins, read Taming Your Gremlin by Rick Carson, founder of the Gremlin Taming Institute.

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This blog also appears as part of my regular column on ShareWiK.com.