For many years, as a yoga teacher, I taught people to breathe: “Inhale, pause, lengthen the exhale, and pause.” As I learned it, the pause is the most important aspect of the breath, providing space around the movement for breathing to take place.
And so it is with our lives.
It is the pause that allows space for life to happen….the pause between words, between ideas, between activities (this last one got your attention, didn’t it! You mean there is supposed to be time between activities?!).
There is a pause before the swing of a golf club or softball bat; the pause of reflection before we try something new; the pause while we find the words we seek; the pause to catch our breath.
And it’s the pause that many of us – especially women, though men more increasingly these days -- find so difficult to create space for in our lives.
You know what I mean, don’t you? You come home after a long day…do you collapse on the couch to re-group, or dive directly into the next thing? You know its time for bed…do you head to your bed with a good book, or fold one more pile of laundry as you sign someone’s permission slip or homework, put a stamp on a letter to be mailed, and run the dishwasher?
Lately, I haven’t had a moment to catch my breath. An apt expression, isn’t it? I haven’t had a chance to take a pause. The truth is, I haven’t MADE the time to catch my breath, and I haven’t scheduled the pauses into my hectic life.
Admittedly, there are circumstances that explain why I am more over-scheduled than usual – my daughter has a major milestone coming up, we’ve been hosting a group of kids in town from Israel, I’ve had several presentations to prepare for – yada, yada, yada. These are all legitimate explanations. And I’ve been using them as excuses.
Certainly, there are going to be times in my life when I am busier than usual. If I am living fully, I’m likely to err on the side of doing more, not less.
But the pauses are not going to find their way into my schedule on their own. If I want to take a breather and find some peace, I’m going to have to pay attention and actually plan for it. That means leaving ‘white space’ in my calendar when I’m planning, and re-discovering the ‘juicy no.’ (‘Juicy no’ is sorta like leaving something on the table – the art of saying, “No,” even when its something to which you’d rather say, “Yes.” More on this another time.)
This was brought home to me when my BFF told me, flat out, that I had made a stupid decision in agreeing to do a presentation for work the day before my daughter’s Bat Mitzvah. She actually used the word stupid! And while I wanted to take offense, I had to admit that she was right.
It was the wake-up call I needed. I have to create the pauses, and I have to start this week. If I wait, there will always be another good explanation, another excuse.
I remember asking my mother once, “When is it going to get easier?” Her reply, “I hate to tell you this, sweetheart, but it doesn’t really get any easier.” The lesson here: It’s only going to get easier if I decide to make it happen.
I lead a busy life by choice. It’s full of varied experiences and rich with meaning, and I want it that way. And to truly live my life on purpose, its important that I make sure that my life doesn’t lead me.
So, this week, as of now, only one parent will be in attendance at the softball banquet. Since a last-minute doctor’s appointment got added, the pants will have to wait to get altered. When one thing gets added, another has to come off the calendar.
I will look to do what is essential, either because of deadline or peace of mind. The rest will have to wait, or maybe not get done at all (radical!).
It’s time to take a deep breath, pause, lengthen my exhale and pause again. I think I might need to add some time for yoga this week. I wonder what’s going to have to come off the calendar to make that happen?
Do you make a place for pause in your life?
This blog also appears as part of my regular column on ShareWiK.com.